How to Talk to Your Children about Divorce

Divorce is an emotionally taxing time for parents and children alike. One aspect of divorce to prepare for with minors involved is the discussion with your children. It is an important moment for any family navigating divorce that should be timed correctly, handled with care, and age-appropriate. This is a difficult conversation that parents should aim to have with empathy and clarity.

Prepare Yourself Beforehand

Before any initial conversation with your children about divorce, it is crucial to reflect on your emotions and expectations. In conjunction with that, coordination with your co-parent, if possible, could present a healthy and united front. With preparation underway, time is of the essence, and picking the appropriate time and place for the conversation will allow for a smoother process with your child.

Age-Appropriate Content

Depending on the age of your children, you will more than likely have to tailor the overall conversation of divorce to their potential level of understanding. For instance, younger children (age 7 or younger) can have a simpler and reassuring conversation, while with older children, you can expect more complex lines of questioning along with a deeper discussion on the matter. Having an outline of what you want to articulate can be a great tool to help navigate the dialogue. Be sure to have some key messages you want to communicate, such as:

• Both parents still love them
• What will change and what will stay the same
• They can ask questions at any time
• It’s not their fault

It’s a delicate conversation to have with children of any age when discussing divorce. Preparation for this conversation is key. You don’t want to leave something important to you unsaid. At Wilson Kester, we are firm in our belief that divorce can be a powerful step forward towards a better life. Having these conversations appropriately allows for that transition to flourish.

What to Avoid Saying

Preparing for what you want to say is important, but equally as important is outlining what you do not want to say whatsoever. If you can come up with a plan for this discussion with your co-parent, then you both could discuss what topics or subject matter to actively avoid in good faith. If this is not possible, you can still lay down ground rules for yourself when having this discussion on divorce with your children. Some things to avoid are:

• Blaming the other parent
• Sharing adult details or conflicts
• Making promises you can’t keep to your children

Setting boundaries on what you won’t say to your children can dispel potential issues down the road for your family.

Encourage Emotional Expression

One aspect of divorce for children is the change in complex emotions regarding separation. Let your children know that it is okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. You can offer outlets for them, such as talking, drawing, journaling, or therapy. Over time, you will see differences in feelings and reactions to divorce from your children. Be patient with those changes and offer a safe space for the expression of any thoughts or feelings. When communicating with your children about divorce, make sure to explain any upcoming changes clearly, such as living arrangements or school. Keeping these routines consistent and stable will provide a sense of security. Reassurance of continued support and love is vital throughout this process of divorce with children involved.

Seek Support When Needed

When going through the process of divorce, you should consider family counseling or child therapy. Leaning on trusted friends, family, or support groups can help as well. Make sure to take care of your own mental health through this process to not only better support your child, but to help support yourself as you work through the process of divorce.

Ultimately, divorce is a continuous process. Talking to your children about divorce is not a one-time conversation. It is a commitment to support during an uncertain time. Ongoing dialogue and check-ins on your children’s emotional well-being are critical to that support. At Wilson Kester, we believe that divorce can be empowering for a family that is struggling. It can allow for a better life moving forward rather than. It can also, with the right care, be the healthiest option for your family.